She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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