Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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