good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
