Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
