I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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