Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
