Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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