dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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