Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
