Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
We named our party play list daddy issues
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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