just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
