you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
