my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
