so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
