Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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