Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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