Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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