I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I will pee on everything he values.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
