i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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