Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
