I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
