should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
