My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
