Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
