he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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