I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
