bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
How's work?
Spinning.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
