I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
