you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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