he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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