She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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