I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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