No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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