I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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