I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
