if you like me you must not know who I am
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
