I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
