the condom got lost in my hair
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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