last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
