i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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