Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
