ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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