Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
