if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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