If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
