ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
