I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
