cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
