Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
