I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
