Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
