i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
