You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
