I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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