Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
