Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
