when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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