Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
