I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
