My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
