Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
