I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
