If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
