She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
