What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
