Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She's the barista slut.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
