Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize