Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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