This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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