Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
