I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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