JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
