her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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